Lincoln in Comics Part 1

Long before the films Abraham Lincoln VS the Zombies and Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, Lincoln was arm wrestling deadly scalp hunters, traveling through time, and having his consciousness deposited in an android from the future.

1) The Unexpected 217, DC Comics, Dec 1981

Lincoln outsmarts aliens in the future.
Sheldon Mayer Writer/Artist Ernie Colon cover Artist

Here we have an alive Lincoln in an astronaut suit sitting in his memorial. If you are wondering what he is doing, by the look on his face I would say he is either about to blast off into space, or he is taking a dump. I do believe astronauts wear adult diapers, so maybe he is doing both.
Don’t worry, it really doesn’t have anything to do with the story. Yes, the story of an astronaut Lincoln would be pretty cool, but a time traveling Lincoln saving the Earth from aliens is about ten times cooler.

First, Abe finds himself standing outside Ford theatre, only it’s 400 years after his death. He almost gets hit by a hover car.

In the most ill placed instance of road rage in the history of comics, a bitchy woman gets out of her car and chastises Lincoln for standing in a hover zone. She recognizes Lincoln from history, so what does she do next? She accuses him of being an alien spy of course! It’s probably what I would have done as well. Only Lincoln disappears and shows up in a tube in the next panel.

So, Lincoln showed up in a strange place, almost got hit by a car, which is something that didn’t exist in his time, and now finds himself talking to strangely dressed scientists. So what do these scientists do to ease his confusion? Show him a tape of his assassination of course!  I know they need to explain why he is there, but showing a man his brains leaking with his wife screaming over his body is kind of dickish. At least they showed the gory part off panel.

Now the scientists tell Lincoln he was replaced with a clone body double. Kind of the same thing as yelling out psych! You didn’t really die, just your family and the whole nation thinks you did! Lincoln is overwhelmed by everything that has happened to him, and a snooty senator tells him to stop being such a pussy, the galaxy is counting on him.

Lincoln learns that changing the past is illegal because someone went back in time and gave Napoleon a tank and screwed up history.  Except for the fact that America still had a civil war and Lincoln still became president. For some reason we will have humanoid robots cook our dinners but we will still have to watch VHS tapes for our history lessons. Damn you Napoleon!

In a natural progression of tainted voting machines, it was decided that voters weren’t need anymore, computers decide the election. Except that people still carry campaign signs and they still call it an election. And if this were the case, they wouldn’t need Lincoln to run for president of the galaxy, they would need Bill Gates to hack the computers. Except that story wouldn’t be as awesome.

Of course Lincoln escapes. You would think maybe he would reprogram the robot, or at least shoot it with a laser beam. Instead, he uses the awesome power of algebra to find a secret tunnel. That will teach you kids to stay awake and study hard.

It’s an election fix. They needed the real Lincoln to talk on the vhs tapes to give to the super computer, then they could substitute the real Lincoln with a clone they could control. But if they could make a clone, why wouldn’t his tapes….Oh shit, I don’t know. But anyway, Lincoln pulled a good old fashioned 19th century switcharoo.

Once Abe got wind of the plot,  he reprogrammed his sexy robot maid even though he didn’t have so much as an electric light bulb in his day. Of course the scientists and bitchy senator were aliens. That explains their dickish behavior from earlier.


So, the aliens change back into humans, and decide to hide in lockers. Because that is what humans who totally aren’t aliens do. Of course Lincoln rigged the truth gun so they would look like aliens when the cops show up. Instead of finding a way home, Lincoln decides to stay and try stand up comedy.

After reading this story I don’t think Lincoln hunting vampires is bizarre at all. In fact, after reading this story I don’t think I’m legally sane anymore.

Monkey Business

Throughout comic book history, there have been a variety of monkeys featured on covers. Some of them are intriguing, and some are just downright hilarious.



But if Titano is a bad guy, shouldn't Bizzaro Titano be a good guy? I guess he is since he is doing Bizzaro Superman a favor, but he's killing him? My head hurts.



Sorry Supes, Titano is imaginary like yourself. Now stop whining about the Kryptonite vision and be happy like Bizzaro Superman.



It wasn't me! A guy broke in here and I was going after him! (Wouldn't a talking gorilla be more valuable than a stolen formula?)



I don't know what's funnier. A gorilla robbing and armored car, or a guy wearing a green turban with matching green pantyhose rushing out to fight it?



Of course, Thunda is not to be confused with Tarzan. Thunda has a bow and arrow, which makes him a completely different character, see?

Gregorian Monks do Metallica!

Here are some of the strangest and most wonderful cover tunes of all time.

1. Gregorian Monks do Metallica!




I was lucky enough to see Metallica in concert during the "And Justice For all Tour" back in the eighties. I never thought I would see Gregorian Monks covering one of their songs, but it comes together beautifully.

2. Paradise City In Bluegrass



Have you ever wondered what Guns n Roses Paradise City would sound like played by a bluegrass band? Outstanding stuff!

3. Led Zeppelin in Reggae!



How about Led Zeppelin's Immigrant song sung Reggae style? Not strange enough? What if Elvis was the lead singer?

4 Metallica in Bluegrass!



I started this post with Metallica, so I thought I would end it the same way. Nothing Else Matters in bluegrass!

Fallen Stars (Sports)

I really enjoyed the Super Bowl yesterday. As a Cincinnati Bengal fan I was required to root against Pittsburgh, but still it was an exciting game to watch.

Sadly, many of the stars from last nights game will fall from grace. It happens to regular people who are constantly told by the media, coaches, and fans that they are something more than human. After hearing this for so long, many spot stars think they are above the law. Let's take a look at a couple of past sport stars that were even more popular than the ones who performed last night. They had many product endorsements (something these companies would like to erase from memory today) and the following ads come from a comic book published in 1979.



It's kind of creepy when you look at it now isn't it? But O.J. was a heck of a football player, he was the first running back to gain 2000 yards in a 14 game season. He has recently been convicted of kidnapping and is now serving a prison term.



Pete Rose earned the nickname "Charlie Hustle" for his style of playing baseball, which was going all out on every play. He has more hits than any other player in the history of the game, yet he is denied the baseball hall of fame because he bet on baseball while he was a manager for the Cincinnati Reds.

(A note on Pete Rose, he is still loved in Cincinnati for the type of player he was, and most people have forgiven him.)

Watch Found in 400 year Old Tomb

I first found this on the Be Not Decieved Forum.



If those damn time travellers don't stop dropping jewelery on missions, we are going to have a major paradox. :)

Click here for the full story.

Links

I just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a happy new year. We live in interesting times, and who knows what 2009 will bring?

I've added some links to the site. You will find them underneath my blog list.

Be Not Decieved is a message board that deals with things of a conspiratol nature. there is some good information there, check it out if you get a chance.

Prison Planet is a site run by Alex Jones. PP covers stories that might not be getting airtime in the mainstream media, and I visit it regularly. The Forum is where I first started posting some of my observations on comic books.

Dial B for Blog is a Blog where old comics are covered, and the guy who writes it is really funny!

Superdickery is a site that once and for all proves that Superman is a jerk, and not to be trusted.

If anyone is interested in doing a link exchange, let me know.

Sound of Silence

Did Simon and Garfunkel travel through time? Whenever I hear this song, I think about the world wide web.

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

So it wasn't time travel, it was a vision.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

I wonder what the neon light was?

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

10,000? It must have been a slow day at yahoo games. Hey, we talk all the time without speaking don't we?

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

When I hear this part, I actually think of a sign that looks something like this.



;)

Superman Retires!

I was watching Rocky III tonight, and and strangely enough it synched with Jen's post on Tekal. This web cartoon syncs the famous scene where Mr. T Calls out Rocky at a press conference. Theres something about Burgess Meredeth's voice coming out of Hawkman that sends me into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Hat's off to whoever made this video.

Make Money Online!

Buy my course! LOL! I got you to look. Being an American, and also being unemployed with the unemployment compensation run dry, I have been pounding the pavement looking for work. What I have found was that even the mid level paying jobs, jobs I used to be able to just walk in and get are now a bit harder to get into. I could go back to car sales, but I am retired from that life and I really don't want to do that anymore. Being desperate, I looked into some programs where you can make money online.

I once had a grand plan to just make money from E-bay. Being a car salesman, I had resources where I could get auto manuals cheap and re sell them online, for sometimes double what I had paid for them. I would keep taking that income and re-invest it until I was making enough money to quit my job. It was a good plan, but it didn't work. Something would always come up where I needed to "borrow" from my E-bay fund, or I would buy a manual that wouldn't sell for some reason. I even looked into the "drop shipping", but it is a complete waste of time. What if you sell an item you don't have, then when you order it it's out of stock? You can't run an E-bay business that way. I'm sure there are folks who make good money from E-bay, but it's hard to start from scratch, because if don't have the inventory, you can't sell it for a profit.

So then I looked into being a paid blogger. This week, I applied to get paid for my writing, and i have yet to hear back from the company I applied with. (Wish me Luck) I had to submit a test article on a subject I knew little about, but what the heck, all things are connected aren't they. LOL. I'll let you know how it turns out.

I also became a paid forum poster. Companies often have forums with their websites, and they will pay people to post on them to get traffic driven to the main site. Imagine trying to make 15 posts a day on a certain type of laundry detergent. Now that takes some creative writing! Most places pay 10 to 15 cents per post, and trying to come up with only 100 posts per day can be a daunting task, although there is no minimum requirement. Still, when you don't have anything, 100 bucks a week beats a poke in the eye with a stick.

So......I am thinking about starting a new blog about making money online, but without selling a course, just telling the truth. If you don't know what you are doing you can make a few bucks, but still fall below the poverty line. It could also serve as a beacon for all the money gurus out there to come in and give me a few tips. Couldn't hurt.

Edit, I did make a new blog, check it out.

http://edsbigmoneyonline.blogspot.com/

If WWII Was Fought in an Online Game.

I don't know who made this, I found it in a guy's sig on a message board, and I know it shouldn't have, but it cracked me up.

Dread Zeppelin

What does Reggae music, Led Zeppelin and Elvis Presley have in common? Absolutely nothing ladies and gentlemen! That is, except for Dread Zeppelin. Dread Zeppelin was a band born in the eighties, they covered Led Zeppelin tunes, but they did it to a reggae beat. And, they had an Elvis impersonator as their lead singer! I couldn't imagine it either, but when you listen to them it works, and sometimes it's really funny. If you only have time to watch one video here, make it the first one. The sight of "Elvis" doing the WAAAHAAAHAAAAA scream from the Immigrant song had me in stitches.